A Collection of Various Pieces That Have Appeared Elsewhere

If you follow me on Instagram, you may be aware that I've recently begun writing on Medium, an online writing platform that hosts articles on just about any topic you could imagine. Though I have no intention of ceasing to write about history, fashion, fashion history, and books on this blog, it's been fun to flex my writing skills on some other topics for a different audience. And since you kind readers have been the audience for my writing since the beginning, I figured it would be a good idea to provide you with a handy resource for reading some of these other articles that might interest you as well.

I've particularly highlighted pieces that feature classic books and writing, since that's the theme of this blog, after all. But if you visit my Medium profile, you'll find a variety of pieces I've written in such categories as Humor, Satire, Love & Relationships, Language, and History.

All of the links below are free to view. Medium has both a free version and a subscriber version ($5/month). With the free version, you can read up to three articles each month before hitting a paywall. With the $5 version, you can read unlimited articles (and part of your subscriber fee goes toward paying freelancers like me). However, each author on Medium has the option of sharing a "friend link" to allow unlimited access to their pieces for friends and family, and all of the links below are "friend links." So whether you have an account with Medium or not, you will still be able to read all of these stories free of charge. If you see other things on the site that interest you and click over to other authors' stories, or other stories on my profile that aren't directly linked here, you may run into a paywall after reading three free stories. But my links have no catch and no hidden fees! I want my blog readers to be able to read my work without cost, though of course if you decide to become a member and start reading my work on Medium on a regular basis, I will certainly not turn down the few extra cents your clicks give me. ;)

Okay, on with the show. I've included a quick tagline and a pull quote with each story so you know what you're getting into!


Ma Ingalls Would Have Wiped the Floor With My Homemade Bread

My very first piece to be curated (selected by Medium editors for wider promotion and distribution), and a humorous look at my failures in the domestic arts. Some liberties were taken for the sake of poetic and facetious license. My bread has improved greatly since this first recent attempt. ;)

"If Caroline Ingalls, gentle and indefatigable pioneer Ma of Little House on the Prairie fame, could do this in a log cabin with a cast-iron stove and an array of spunky little girls in calico and braids getting underfoot and wreaking havoc with their good old bulldog Jack, I should be able to turn out one passable loaf with the help of all my modern conveniences and Pinterest trove of recipes. I’ve been cooking dinners and making desserts for fifteen years. A loaf of bread cannot be that hard. It’s, like, five ingredients."


I'm Alexander Hamilton's Third Child and I Find My Erasure Deeply Offensive

If you've seen or heard the musical Hamilton, you might have wondered why only two children appear in the show. Guess who else is wondering? ONE OF THE KIDS WHO GOT LEFT OUT.

(This was also my very first piece to get illustrated, which was pretty cool.)

"This isn’t about being the invisible middle child. I’m only number three out of eight! Do the Von Trapps get a monopoly on big families in musicals? Seriously, what does it take to get a few cute lines in this business? Do I have to learn to play the guitar or throw marionettes around, romp through the Austrian mountains, or resort to pranking the governess out of a job?"


Literary Names Under Consideration For My Firstborn Son

Did I tell you we're having a boy? We are. We picked a name already, too, but it's still fun to consider a few ridiculous options. Baby name books are out! Classic novels and fairy tales are in.

"Anyone can be named just plain old Arthur these days. If you’re an aardvark, you might even get a PBS show. But KING Arthur? This kicks it up a notch and lets everyone know my angel son is in it to win it. Available stone-embedded swords are scarce these days, admittedly. But with the proper encouragement in the kitchen, and maybe a sweet, sweet deal with a corporate flour sponsor, I could send him to the Great British Bake-Off someday."


If I Had a Typewriter, This Is What I Would Need to Go With It

We all know what happens when you give a mouse a cookie. But what happens when you give a pretentious writer a hipster writing tool?

"If I had a coffee shop to sit in, I would need some coffee to go with it.
French press. Cold brew. No sweetener (for sissies). In a for-here mug (free refills, baby). I would ask for oat milk, and if they didn’t have that I would ask for almond milk, and if they didn’t have that I would sigh loudly and ask what dairy-free options they did have, in a tone that would let the minimum-waged barista know exactly what I thought of her silent support of the oppression of cows."


Trendy Diet Plans From Classic Literature

Crash diets and starvation plans are an unfortunate part of a society that pressures people to look a certain way - sometimes laughing at them (with a little help from English lit) is the best way to discredit their empty promises. Take care of your body, friends! You only get one, after all.

"Tired of the South Beach Diet? Try the Tiny Fishing Village in 1950 on the Edge of the Gulf of Mexico Beach Diet. Go fishing and burn a ton of calories (almost dying) while you try to catch the big one. Even more calories can be burned as you tell everyone what you’re thinking at all times. Once you finally succeed, the 18 calories you get out of it won’t feel worth it. Kind of like this diet’s inspiration."


Disney Film Versions of Classic Novels

What would happen if Disney went a step further than co-opting The Hunchback of Notre Dame during their animated renaissance of the 90's? What if they drew from a wealth of other lengthy Victorian novels, too - like Les Miserables, for instance?

"Don’t come at me with a bunch of sad deaths for handsome revolutionary 20-somethings! This Disney flick based on another Victor Hugo masterpiece will feature a peaceful People’s Revolt in 1830’s France, with an unreasonably muscular Enjolras and his tousle-haired friends raising money to support the poor people of Paris. With a few inspiring songs, naturally, accompanied by the dancing sewer rats for maximum small animal impact."



Returning to Journal Writing, Unconventionally

I'm really bad at keeping a journal, and have been for a long time, and probably would continue to be, if I hadn't discovered This One Weird Trick.

"I wish I had access to diaries and letters my own ancestors kept. Getting a peek into their past would be such a thrill. Don’t I owe it to my own descendants to show them a little slice of life as I know it in the early twenty-first century? Every time I’ve considered this, it spurs me on to attack my diary with renewed energy. For about three days."


Quarantine Personalities as Les Miserables Characters

We were all obsessed with bread baking when I wrote this one. Of course, my thoughts turned to Jean Valjean and his compadres. Naturally.

"Marius--
-Super optimistic, assuring everyone the lockdown will only last ONE! DAY! MORE!
-Internet connection problems on every Zoom call
-Obsessively checking all symptoms, both real and imaginary, on WebMD."


Why I Am Voting Charles Ingalls (As Played By Michael Landon) For President in 2020

Shhhhh. Don't tell me he's dead, and kinda fictional, and also dead. We have nothing but horrible choices facing us on the traditional tickets. HE'S OUR ONLY HOPE.

"As with a rip-snorting kettle of rattlesnake stew, there are so many ingredients that go into making a good candidate. A good candidate must be an opportunist. For instance, Charles Ingalls seizes any and every opportunity to take his shirt off for no reason. Take that, Justin Trudeau. And Justin Timberlake. And Justin Bieber."